We all have a unique emotional landscape. Some emotions feel like old friends, visiting us frequently, while others seem like strangers, rarely making an appearance. Today, let's explore why acknowledging and embracing all our emotions—even the uncomfortable ones—is crucial for our growth.
Summary: We all have a unique emotional landscape. Some emotions feel like old friends, visiting us frequently, while others seem like strangers, rarely making an appearance. Today, let's explore why acknowledging and embracing all our emotions—even the uncomfortable ones—is crucial for our growth.
Think about it: Which emotions do you experience most often? Joy, anxiety, contentment, frustration? These frequent visitors form our emotional default patterns. They're familiar, and in a way, comfortable—even if they're not always pleasant.
On the other side, there are emotions we rarely experience or acknowledge. Often, we unconsciously avoid or deny these feelings, creating blind spots in our emotional awareness.
Quite often we mask an unwanted emotion with another, more familiar one. For instance, we might default to anger because the underlying sadness feels too overwhelming to bear. Or we might default to numbness because we feel we can't allow ourselves to experience the anger beneath. In such situations, we need a high level of safety or permission-giving guidance to access the emotion we've become deeply estranged from.
How we experience emotions
We tend to avoid what we consider negative emotions. We’re all guilty when it comes to feeling an emotion we've labeled as "negative" and immediately searching for ways to make it disappear.
Our society's obsession with pursuing happiness has made us believe that experiencing difficult emotions is a kind of failure. Because we've been sold this idea that happiness is something we should be able to achieve, feeling negative emotions can make us feel inadequate, flawed, or even broken. We might start to believe there's something wrong with us for not being able to be happy all the time.
This pressure to always be happy can create a harmful cycle. We feel bad about feeling bad, which only intensifies our negative emotions and makes it harder to process them in a healthy way. Then we might turn to various techniques to shift our state: breathwork, manifestation, or even forced positivity, without ever trying to understand what our emotions are trying to tell us or what unmet needs they might be signaling.
Bottled up emotions in Inside Out 2 from Pixar
But here's the thing: While these methods can be beneficial as regular practices, using them in the midst of a challenging emotional experience as a quick fix can disrupt the natural biochemical process of feeling and resolving the emotion.
These techniques are most beneficial when used as regular practices to build your emotional ‘muscle’ for more resilience and self-awareness. However, when intense emotions arise, the best way to deal with them is to pause and allow yourself to experience them.
Our difficulty with certain emotions often stems from the physical sensations they provoke in our bodies. Emotions aren't just abstract concepts—they're deeply physical experiences that can significantly impact our mood, energy levels, and capacity to think.
When we feel anxious, our heart might race, our palms might sweat, and we might feel a tightness in our chest. Sadness might manifest as a heaviness in our limbs or a lump in our throat. These bodily sensations can be intense and sometimes overwhelming, especially when we resist them.
Imagine a water stream: When it flows freely, it moves smoothly and easily. But if we build a dam and block the flow, it builds up pressure and volume. The same happens with our emotions.
Slow down to feel more
Our ability to handle these physical manifestations of emotions varies from person to person, depending on how wide or narrow our "window of tolerance" is. The window of tolerance means the zone where we can effectively deal with our emotions without becoming overwhelmed or shutting down.
A wide window of tolerance allows us to navigate intense emotions with greater ease, while a narrow window might make us more prone to feeling overwhelmed or numb. The good news is that this capacity can be expanded with practice.
Allowing ourselves to feel emotions without resistance is like letting the water flow naturally. It may be uncomfortable at first, but with practice, we can learn to stay present with our feelings and let them move through us. Moreover, by acknowledging and accepting the physical sensations that come with our emotions, it reduces their intensity and we learn to respond to them more effectively.
The many hues of emotions
Feel your emotions fully. Welcome them consciously, even (and especially) the ones that make you uncomfortable. It's so simple, yet challenging.
When you allow yourself to experience an emotion without judgment, you create space for exploration. This deep dive into your feelings can help you:
By embracing all your emotions, you're not giving them control over you. Instead, you're acknowledging their presence and the messages they carry.
Remember, every emotion you feel is valid and serves a purpose. By allowing yourself to feel fully, you're not only honoring your experiences but also paving the way for genuine emotional growth and resilience.
Here's to embracing our full emotional selves,
Catarina
Q: How can I reconnect with my emotions if I feel emotionally numb or detached?
A: To reconnect with your emotions, take some time to tune into your body and treat it with the same care you would a baby. Try holding yourself in your own arms and gently rock side to side or caress yourself. Showing yourself love and compassion can help melt away numbness and unblock a range of emotions.
Be welcoming. Anger, sadness, and frustration might be some of the first emotions that come up. Trust and be with them for as long as needed. As you go about your day, accept their presence and remain curious about how they influence your feelings, behavior, and bodily sensations. Eventually, other emotions will emerge. You might find yourself getting distracted and temporarily forgetting about them; the next time you reconnect with your emotions, you may notice they’ve lost their intensity. Like babies so eloquently show us, emotions are transient. They ebb and flow, change in intensity, and intertwine with other feelings too.
Q: Why do I sometimes feel conflicting emotions at the same time?
A: Feeling conflicting emotions simultaneously is a normal part of being human. Our emotions are complex and can arise from different aspects of a situation. For example, you might feel happy about a new opportunity but also anxious about the changes it brings. These mixed feelings often reflect the multiple layers of our experiences and the various ways we respond to them.
It's helpful to acknowledge and accept these conflicting emotions rather than trying to choose one over the other. Understanding that it's possible to hold multiple emotions at once can lead to greater emotional awareness and self-acceptance.
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